IMspirit blog

This blog was established in honor if my children, Joshua, Victoria and Matteo in order to share my thoughts, learning and questions about the joys and challenges of life.

 

Shakespeare’s plays are said to answer three fundamental questions:

  • What does it mean to be alive?
  • How shall we act?
  • What must I do?

As I explore these questions for myself, I have come to understand these as basic truths:

  • We are all made of the same stuff
  • We all live on the same planet
  • What each of us thinks, says and does matters to the whole.

Here are my thoughts and I look forward to hearing yours.

Why I Carry a Fifty Pound Sack of Extra Me – Part 10

 

Chapter 10 Releasing Shame and Guilt

I have this dream of releasing shame and guilt before I release the weight.  In my imagination this is the only way for it to stay off.  Accepting myself as I am is not denial or a cop out or even laziness, it is the only way forward from here.  And its not only acceptance, but love.  If I cannot make peace with my fifty pounds what chance does the world have?  If I cannot make peace with my fifty pounds what chance does Love have?

There is a loaf of bread in our kitchen given and made lovingly by a local French chef.  It has cheese in it with bits of pancetta.  I’ll toast it with butter and maybe add a bit of fig jam.  Heaven.

 

bread and jam



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Why I Carry a Fifty Pound Sack of Extra Me – Part 9

 

Chapter 9.  Loving myself as I am

I want to learn to love myself fully, in spite of being ‘grassata’ as the Italian man whispered to his colleague as they passed me on the street… “bella mais molto grassatta’  beautiful but too fat.  Can I see my inner beauty enough to accept my outer condition?  Maybe if I could banish the image of me as the 21 year old model who was stick thin.  To love myself as I am, I would have to look at this body as it is and feel love.

love yourself



Are you ready to fill your inner well, lift your spirits, and inspire your heart? Please click here to learn how to accept your own inner wisdom.

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Why I Carry a Fifty Pound Sack of Extra Me – Part 8

 

Chapter 8.  The Consequences

The consequences for carrying this 50 pound sack of extra me have not been consistently motivating.  They motivate me when I have to be in a bathing suit or when I’m going to see folks I haven’t seen in a while or when I think how I don’t want my sons to be ashamed of me.  But it doesn’t last.  I made a deal with my spouse that she was to accept me as I am and was never to complain that I wasn’t thin.  Not very fair but it works for me.  She would not dare to tell me how she feels now after 10 years, she’s been so faithful in every way.  I have done my best not to get any worse but as I age its getting harder.   Will she leave me some day if I get too lumpy and bumpy…?  I don’t think so, but she will if I don’t learn to love myself as I am.

fifty pound sack

She and I are foodophiles (is that a word?) together we enjoy great food.  She (who is still the same slim babe I married) feels guilty and sometimes voices it after a meal.  I plug my ears and relish the taste of truffle risotto lingering in my mouth.



Ready for some inspiration amidst the beauty of Cape Cod? Save the date for the 4th annual Provincetown Weekend, September 29 – October 1, 2017 – Please click here for more information!

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Why I Carry a Fifty Pound Sack of Extra Me – Part 7

 

Chapter 7.  The scale doesn’t lie

 

The scale doesn’t lie but I don’t ask it questions that often.   Mostly the scale has delivered disappointing news.  When it delivered good news, I dreaded getting back on it to make sure all was still well and usually it wasn’t .  If I didn’t weigh myself at least every other day, some portion of a pound would wiggle its way back on to my frame.  Let 10 days go by and it was sure to be at least 3 of the little buggers.  My license tells mostly the truth now.  It says I’m 50 pounds heavier than when I first got my license at 21.

scale

I had a friend I worked with who said the only thing in life that is fair is exercise.  It doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t act temperamental, it always gives results.  She’s right about that and the other thing that doesn’t fail is the scale, it never has a bad day and  gleefully adds 10 pounds. Its up to me to do that.  Does it have anything to do with loving dark meat?  Chicken gizzards plump and fried?

fried chicken



Are you looking for renewal and inspiration? Connect with nature in the beauty and inspiration of Cape Cod.  Click here to read more.

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Why I Carry a Fifty Pound Sack of Extra Me – Part 6

 

Chapter 6.  Did I say I love food?

My love of food started in my childhood when my mother or step dad, Pappy- would make delectable foods like collard greens, hot water corn bread, fried chicken or barbecue ribs.  My love of food was reinforced by Pappy’s runs to the commissary and the sight of the white butcher paper package that I knew held a pound of  freshly sliced salami.

Food was the healthiest thing about my family life, even if by today’s standards the food wasn’t always healthy.  We ate lots of meat that came out of a seasoned cast iron skillet.  We had spam with our eggs for breakfast.  There were mini bags of chips for me to put in my lunch everyday and sometimes hostess cup cakes!

spam

My parents often ate fancier food than us and they always ate in the living room while we ate in the kitchen.  To be fair, I don’t think there was enough room for them when 5 of us kids were still at home, but then they got used to it.  They would have T-bone steaks when we had meat loaf.  I would clear their plates so I could gnaw on the bones that still tasted of salt and Worcestershire.  I still keep Worcestershire Sauce in my fridge, although I never cook steak.

As a child on my own it was the joy of sunflower seeds packed in my cheek-gleefully spitting shells all over the yard or walking back from the store having spent my 50 cent allowance on a black licorice straw or a can of Cactus Cooler.

sunflower seeds



Are you ready to fill your inner well, lift your spirits, and inspire your heart? Please click here to learn how to accept your own inner wisdom.

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Why I Carry a Fifty Pound Sack of Extra Me – Part 5

 

Chapter 5.  I am addicted to pleasure

Buying art, wearing beautiful things, having my toes done, getting a massage, watching a good movie (especially with good popcorn), sharing a meal with someone I love, sleeping in, afternoon sex, enjoying an unscheduled day, finishing a project, coloring, singing, dancing, playing my ukulele, reading a good book and writing all bring me great pleasure and I have the leisure to pursue them all.

And I hardly have to pursue food.  It just lies there waiting for me in delicious repose.  Cold watermelon sliced over butter lettuce, sprinkled with feta cheese.

salad



Ready for some inspiration amidst the beauty of Cape Cod? Save the date for the 4th annual Provincetown Weekend, September 29 – October 1, 2017 – Please click here for more information!

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